Increasing Self Love + Compassion
Self-compassion is an essential feeling and skill to cultivate as it helps us to manage the pain, hardship and suffering of living in this complex, uncertain, changing, and sometimes aggressive world.
Life can be hard, self-compassion allows us to be with our suffering, not to hide from it. We’re able to stay engaged with how we actually feel, and to care for ourselves when things are difficult, or when we don’t feel care from others.
Self-compassion is rooted in love for ourselves, for knowing how beautiful we really are, and how much we care about our well being, and long term happiness. Building self-compassion can be done in a variety of ways. Practicing mindfulness, the art of being with and opening to your actual experience, in the present moment, without judgment, will strengthen your ability to be with your feelings and emotions
During hardship. bringing awareness to your physical sensations emotions and thoughts will help defuse any negative energy, making room for more spaciousness, perspective, and calm. It will also give you practice withholding harsh judgment about your experience, softening the inner critic that so often just fuels anger, sadness, fear, and stress.
In addition to bringing mindfulness to your actual experience without judgment, there are also other ways to help cultivate self-compassion. When you experience a time of struggle, ask yourself how would you feel toward a dear friend or loved one who was experiencing similar things...
You’d probably feel sympathetic and caring, and wish that your friend did not suffer, no matter how subtly.
Can you feel this way toward yourself? ....
It can also help to say or think compassionate well-wishes to yourself, such as
May I feel better.
May this pain pass.
May I find my life's true path.
May the next chapter in life bring me to fulfillment.
This well-wishing is integral to compassion.
It’s not the same as empathy, it’s also wishing for the alleviation of the suffering. So, depending on the situation, you could be specific about your own unique suffering,
Repeating well-wishes like:
“May I find work soon”
or
“I will be loved again”
or
“I hope this chemotherapy goes well.”
So, with that in mind, let’s do a guided mindfulness practice together focused on building self-compassion, for when things feel very difficult.
Keep returning to these feelings of self-compassion, not letting yourself get hijacked by upsets or pain.
Embody this experience by placing a hand on your heart or cheek, or by patting your arm gently as you would that of a friend in need.
Open to self-compassion and let it fill you. Help it last and become more intense.
Notice any resistance to self-compassion and try to make room in your heart for it.
Feel self-compassion sinking into you, becoming a part of you, a resource inside wherever you go.
Sense inside a growing warmth toward yourself and a sweetness, caring, and strength on your own behalf.
As self-compassion sifts down into you, see if you can feel a growing ease and peace in your relationships.
Excellent, well done.
So, to recap:
Self-compassion allows us to be with our suffering, not to hide from it.
We’re able to stay engaged with how we actually feel, and to care for ourselves when things are difficult.
Practicing mindfulness, the art of being with and opening to your actual experience, in the present moment, without judgment, will strengthen your ability to be with your feelings and emotions during hardship.
Ask yourself how would you feel toward a dear friend or loved one who was experiencing similar things...
Can you feel this way toward yourself?
Thank you for your courage to bring self-compassion to yourself when things get tough.
And thank you for your mindfulness practice!
Love & Life to you!
